A Step Back May Be Just What I Need....

Well, it happened. I have been so fortunate to run race after race without a DNF or a truly bad result. This year's marathon calendar started with a 3:00 marathon in Miami in the heat. After that, I ran a 3:05 in Boston with a bad cold. A month later, I ran a respectable 3:03 at the Bayshore. There was nothing even remotely respectable about Toronto and it has me questioning everything.

I ran what I thought was a fantastically paced 25k (15.5 miles) 3 weeks before the race. The pace was right aroune 6:41 and I really just cruised. I had confidence going into Toronto as I was tapered and most of the injuries I had acquired over hard months of training seemed to be mostly gone. As race morning dawned, I felt fine and found my corral and settled in for the start. The gun went off and I moved along with the thousands of other runners. I was through both 5 and 10k pretty much on pace or a few seconds ahead. I noticed we were running into probably a 10 to 15 mile an hour headwind, but from 10 to 20k it would thankfully be at our back. I didn't really feel strong on my feet, but still felt like this race was well in hand. At around 20k, I was already having to push to stay right around the 4:12/k pace I had set out for myself. Strangely, at the 25k point I was feeling quesy and even a little dizzy. I had drank as much sport drink as possible and even the mix from my own bottles. At the 30k mark I had my first bout of cramps as my right hamstring started to cramp up painfully. It proceeded down into my right calf and then unmercifully my left leg began to cramp as well. Even both of my quad muscles went haywire and I don't know if I have ever experienced that one. It sure is an odd sensation to have a cramp so bad that it feels like your knee is being pounded on with a sledgehammer. Also, I know it will be quite some time before I forget the looks of the spectators who were grossed out by my calf cramps. At one point, my right calf had moved almost all the way around to the front of my shin. Probably not a good thing.... So I ran a little until I was seized by cramps and had to kind of hop walk. This must have happened at least a dozen times over the last 7 miles. I couldn't bring myself to give in and just accept a DNF. But I finally made it to the finish and the Toronto Waterfront Marathon was over. Half marathon time around 89 minutes and second half a whopping 114 minutes.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly disappointed with myself and a little embarrassed. I have met so many wonderful people through this blog and you have all been so supportive. I really wanted this race for myself and I wanted to make all your comments and affirmations come true. I let us all down and it is going to take me some time to recover from this one. I will be back to try the marathon again. But for the first time in over 3 years of hard training, I don't want to train for a while. There will be no speedwork or intervals or progression 20 mile runs. I'm going to give my body a few days to recover and then maybe I will try and find the joy in my running again. But it is going to take some time. Sometimes it doesn't matter how bad you want it when the body is just not willing.

Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive and generous comments. You've made me smile and to be honest, you have brought me to a level of running I did not ever think I would achieve. Don't lose faith in this Runner In The Making as I move into my next phase as a runner. I don't know what that means right now as I shake my head and lie in bed typing away so absolutely beaten. Tomorrow will be a better day and the one after that even more so.

Best of luck with all YOUR running and training and I will be watching all of you. See you in a couple months.